OkCupid - Online Dating

So, I hopped on to the online-dating wagon. And, it has done me some good. Actually, I think it's a great thing, for working professionals who don't want to meet people in bars or wait for a set-up. Below are the three most popular ones imo:

A) Match.com - My brother just got engaged to a girl he met on this. My guy friend has been meeting heaps of respectable girls on it. As for me? I'm cheap, I don't want to pay $30(?) month and answer a billion specific questions and get annoying ass "we have matches for you!" emails everyday.
B) Tinder - I guess it's the most popular thing, but seems to be more for hookups. I signed up for a minute, til I saw a picture of this guy I had a thing with and deleted it immediately.
C) OkCupid -  is a good median of the two. You don't HAVE to answer the million questions, you can still swipe left/right but also they have a hefty about section that kind of gives you a feel of how the person is without reading a full on life story and stats. There are definitely a lot of duds, weirdos, and freaks, but sorting them out isn't all that hard.

So...I've had two boyfriends so far whom I've met from OkCupid. Both at complete opposites endss of the spectrum.

1) White boy - I've always been curious to date a white guy, but for whatever reason, white guys never hit on me in LA, but ironically started hitting on me after I came to Korea. So when this ginger messaged me on OkCupid, I thought, what the hey, why not? Especially since he was so damn persistent and patient. He messaged me before my trip to Chicago/NY, and kept messaging me even after I came back. So I agreed to have coffee. At first, he seemed to be funny, intelligent, not bad-looking, have a steady job. So we started dating, and I swear the first month is always rainbows and butterflies (never felt butterflies for him). But red flag #1 - He said "I love you" like way too soon, probably within a month. And when I didn't say it back, he would get butt hurt, but man, you dug yourself that grave. MEN, when you say "I love you" don't expect the girl to say it back, cuz then you'll just get disappointed and it will create a dent in the relationship. Just wait patiently, and meet her half way. Well, one of the reasons why i decided to date him is because he said he spoke decent Korean. WRONG. He was always asking me to do shit in Korean for him, and always talking shit about Koreans and Korea. Super negative nancy. Never wanted to go out and do stuff. Always wanted to eat western food, when we are in KOREA. He was a horrible kisser and not the greatest in bed, and OMG...would always do a "meat spin" and stupid lean backs while walking. A 30+ y/o man doing immature shit like that? No thanks. In the end, we were fighting a lot, and honestly he stopped trying after the first month, which is when I stopped feeling for him.

Girls are simple, surprise them with dates, small gifts (even a damn chocolate bar), sweet words, SOMETHING to show that you care. Instead of acting like you "have" them and sit your lazy ass on the couch and do the bare minimum. So, I said 'peace out.' We actually went to Bali together (I wanted to break up before the trip and go by myself, but he had bought the tickets, and I didn't know how shady he was gona be about canceling them), the week before valentines day. Did he plan a romantic dinner? NOPE. lazy mothafuka. So when I left Bali before him, I said, you should really think about where this is going and I will too. 2 days later, he texted me asking what I've concluded and I said I'd rather tell him in person and he was like "well, what's the point in waiting?" so I was like "Fine! It aint workin." and I laid out all the things that bothered me about him, and to every thing I said, he would say "touche" or "likewise" as if he had no opinions for himself. like childish, "i know you are but what am i?" kinda shit. in the end, he said he's sorry for not being what I wanted him to be. But seriously? How the ef does a 30+ y/o man NOT know how to get and keep a girl??? I'm the most low maintenance girl you'll ever meet, and just because I don't play games, and keep it real, doesn't mean you can treat me any less than a princess you might have dated. don't get it twisted. Hate it when guys say, I'm sorry I couldn't be bla bla... DUDE! don't be sorry, and just do shit! so that you don't have to be sorry! ugh~ he still texted me like once a month after we broke up, little bullshit meaningless texts, until finally I was like, "look...we are not friends, we are never going to be, so stop with your bullshit texts."

In conclusion, I can't be with a white guy who is racially/culturally intolerant. I like Korean food, and would like to eat it at least once a day (instead of pizza, fried chicken, bacon, n other fatty american food). I like speaking Korean at times and watching Korean TV. So if I ever date a white guy again, he better be Korean washed, at least love Korean food (and speak enough Korean to converse, this would be a bonus but hard to find, ya?).

2) Korean-Korean Man - Oh boy, so I was not planning to date anytime soon after the shenanigans with White boy. But this super cute Korean guy I messaged whiles ago messaged me back and wanted to meet. So we met at this argentinian restaurant (buenos aires) near my house, which was rubbish and over priced btw, and DAMN he looked mighty handsome, and we had good conversation and everything was perfect. BUT...on our third date, he asked me to be his gf (without knowing that much about me), but I guess in Korean culture, you can't hold hands and be intimate until you have that "title." So I was like, why not? And, at first it was rainbows and butterflies (actually had butterflies for this one). But, he was unemployed, which I didn't mind at first, and was nice enough to pay for things knowing his situation. But then he got a bit used to it, and started taking it for granted.

But one of the biggest (or smallest :P) things that bothered me about him was his penis size. He warned me that it was small. but gawd damn! I almost cried...because I really liked him, so why did God have to be so cruel?! So I googled micropenis, and less than 1% of the male population is clinically diagnosed with it, and what are my freakin chances of meeting that 1?! That was my first strike and I tried to break up with him over that, and people will think I'm a bitch, but sex is important! But he wouldn't let me break up and said he would 'try harder' and he did in other ways, but had the audacity to ask me during sex 'Am I the best?' I was like 'No' then he got pissed. But seriously? How can you ask me that when I've already made it clear that I'm not satisfied with your size?? Anyways, we went to a lot of places and did a lot of things in the first month and it was all good. Until we started fighting in the 2nd and 3rd month, like crazy, like everyday. One time, I didn't pick up my phone for 20 minutes, cuz I was  working on my assignment for this class I was taking. When I called him back, he was screaming at me asking why I didn't pick up and that he was on his way to my house in a taxi. PSYCHO. Who does that?!

Man, Koreans have a really fucked up idea of what dating and relationship is. They think suffocation, jealousy, insecurity, controlling, is love. So this foo says "I love you" within the first month too! I'm like, oh HAIL no. I said it back in the moment cuz I did like him a lot, but later I wasn't saying it back cuz I didn't feel it, and he was like, did you lie before? and I said, no, but I aint gona say it now if I don't feel it, ya know? So, his first "problem" with me was that I don't "talk pretty," meaning beating around the bush. Koreans tend to beat around the bush a lot to make the other person feel better. Like, letting them down easy? But I'm American, I don't beat around the bush, I tell it to you straight,  I tell you if I like or don't like things, and don't sugar coat it. I'm not rude by all means, but aint nobody got time to beat around the bush.

Anyway, so he started being a "dick" to me, giving me a taste of my own medicine, claiming that's how I talked to him. Again, childish, and not productive for the relationship. So I went to Boracay with a female coworker, almost fighting with the bf again right before I left. Wifi was out for a day, so  I couldn't message or call him. This foo calls the HOTEL!! like the PSYCHO that he is and starts yelling at me, accusing me that wifi is working fine now, as if I was lying about it being out the day before. I like oh HAIL no, and said "I'm done. I'm soooo done with your psycho ass, small penis as bullshit." knowing that he is psycho though, I was afraid he might've burned my house down or was waiting for me at my place so I had a friend walk me home from the airport. Thank gawd he wasn't psycho enough to do what I had anticipated.

But he did call me a few days later apologizing and saying he still liked me a lot and that he wasn't ready to break up yet. Wow, what a persistent fucker, right? I mean, I've never met a  guy who would throw away all his pride, take all the mean shit I said to him, and still want to be with me. But this time, I laid down the law and told him all the shit he needs to fix, and how he doesn't "have" me yet and to stop being damn lazy and continue to court me! Although I do love being a homebody and rolling around in my bed, I ALSO like going on dates, out to a nice dinner, surprise expeditions. GUYS, words are CHEAP. Don't assure a girl that you're gona change, or that you're gona do something, if you're NOT gonna do it? It's a complete waste of hope and time, really. So of course things didn't get better, he didn't change, we were still fighting, I was SO sick of fighting. They call this conflict in personality, or I guess irreconcilable differences? I knew, it was not gona work, and that it shouldn't be this hard, and finally he "let me go."

The sad thing is, I wasn't sad at all but more relieved after breaking up with these guys. Guess fighting will do that to a person. Guess I can't date a Korean-Korean guy either unless he can accept my independence and my life revolving NOT around him, that I have friends and other facets of life that I must attend to. Korean guy made it seem like "Because you're my girlfriend... Because I'm your boyfriend.." we gotta do THIS and THAT, as more of an obligatory thing. NAW MAN! you should WANT to do things for me cuz you WANT to, not cuz you feel like you HAVE to. I was always walking on eggshells, worried if sth I did will upset him or if he would "approve." Damn, so out of my free spirited element.

TBH, the dating market in Korea is shit, especially for Gyopo (Korean-American) females. Hence, why I've been single for the majority of my time here in korea. Why? Cuz the Gyopo men want Korean women, Foreign men want Korean women, and Korean men want Korean women. And I don't blame them, cuz I wouldn't come to Korea to date a gyopo or white girl. But most of my guy friends have learned through experience that it's not the easiest to date Korean women, as most turn out to be psycho or needy or gold diggers. Of course there are few good women, but Korean society has done a pretty damn good job of brainwashing Korean women into materialistic plastic barbies with their only life goal being to marry a rich man and call it a day.

Anyways, as with all bad relationships, it's a learning experience because now I know exactly what I don't want in a man. And so the search goes on...hoping Australia will have hot surfing gyopos, hehe :P