I NEVER thought I'd be the "other woman" in a relationship. But low and behold, I hit my all time low with this one. So I had this co-worker, let's call him Ken. Ken moved into my neighborhood early this year shortly after starting work with me. Instantly, we became neighborhood buddies, rode home together after work, hung out a lot and became really close. We would bitch about our bf/gf to each other. I never found Ken attractive or anything, but had oodles of fun with him.
However, soon after I broke up with micro-penis guy and my plans to go on a Eurotrip and then to Australia had been confirmed, Ken made a pass at me. Once, I got mad at him for not keeping a promise/appointment, and his twisted self liked it. Like it kinda turned him on that I was angry (and cared) and asked himself, "Wait. Do I wana fuk her?"
First, it started with him asking me to teach him how to be good in bed, since I seem to be hard to please. And I was like uh... naw. Then, after some persistence, I gave in. I know, I know, it's horrible because he has a gf, but she's bat shit crazy like 90% of Korean girls, which doesn't justify my actions. But, honestly, I thought I could keep it casual, since I was leaving. But I guess I'm a bonafide girl that can't separate sex and feelings. So yes, I caught feelings, then started wanting more from him. More time, more attention, more care. And I kept denying that I really am his second side bitch, and no matter how much he talks shit about his gf, he's never gona break up with her, especially not for me.
So I broke down, and called it quits after a couple of weeks, because it was eating me inside. Not that I felt bad for the gf, I can really care less, but I felt bad for myself. It's quite a horrible feeling to like someone who is already with someone else. Having that false hope that they will leave their gf/wife for you, is a lost cause. He woulda left her before we started anything, had I been adamant about him being single before we started anything. But his defense was always, "But you're leaving!"
Fak man, I couldn't find a good man the 6 years I've been in Korea, and now that I'm leaving, I'm meeting mofo's left and right, that can only say "But you're leaving." When did guys become such cowards? Afraid of limited time? Afraid of catching feelings? Afraid of getting hurt? I almost feel like, even if a relationship was doomed from the start, if I could have a guarantee that I can feel true love for even a short period of that time, I'd still go for it. I am one to never live with regrets, and I feel the same way about relationships. "Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved before." Firm believer in this.
Back to Ken, when I told him I wanted to stop, he wasn't phased at all. He said, "That's fine. I don't see anything wrong with what we're doing. But if you wana stop. That's fine," so nonchalantly as if this decision didn't affect him at all. I was more hurt by his insensitivity than anything else. So for one awkward last week of work, we avoided each other, I sulked at home alone devoid of my neighborhood friend. Then, he called me and asked why we were even fighting or not talking to each other. In a nut shell, it was a miscommunication. He thought I was heartless for keeping it casual, and I thought he was heartless for not being affected by our breakup. And he asked to spend my last week in Korea together, and I succumbed. It was quite a lovely week we spent. Even went to Muido (island near Incheon). He even took me to the airport, in hopes for a dramatic goodbye. But that wasn't the case, I was sad to leave Korea, but not necessarily sad to leave him. I knew he was bad for me, I knew I had to get away.
While I was in Europe, after talking to some friends about the situation, I realized that this guy took me for a ride. He made me feel more special than the gf he wouldn't break up with, but in the end, he got everything he wanted. What hurts me the most is that he doesn't cherish our friendship prior, and doesn't seem to have the maturity to have an adult like conversation. Still into playing word games, and acting like a brat. I'm over it. Been over it. Maybe some day, he will realize that I was the only girl that ever gave a shit about him. I hope all the guys I've been with will remember me as that one girl that gave a shit about them. Didn't think of them as a luxury handbag, or a credit card, or anything but the wonderful person I thought they were. In all, it wasn't an experience I'd ever want to relive, but it was truly a learning experience. I hope I will never cheat on someone or be cheated on and def will never be "the other woman" again.
~ SLB
